'Turns out we’ve all been given the wrong star sign'
So, I have a new star sign, and so do many of you.
Now I've been a Sagittarius for years - since my birth actually - but the Internet is currently agog with the theory that there are apparently 13 zodiac signs, instead of 12.
As the space agency NASA recently explained, this is because of the way the universe has changed since the days of the ancient Babylonians, who first discovered the zodiac.
It was the Babylonians who first looked up into the night sky, squinted one eye, and pronounced they were looking at, among other things, a bull, a pair of scales, and a goat.
No, I've never been able to make out those shapes in either.
The point is the very possibly drunk Babylonians also neatly divided the night sky into 12 slices of a giant astrological pizza.
Each 30-degree slice contained its very own constellation with a goat, fish or virgin holding a sheaf of wheat, and thus the zodiac was born.
Only it wasn't perfect, because apparently they also saw a 13th constellation of stars that looked like something else if you screwed your eyes up hard enough, but decided to pretend they hadn't, so as not to spoil their perfect 12 piece astrological pizza.
Anyway, NASA says the name of this 13th sign is Ophiuchus, and if you were born - as I was - between November 23 to December 31, then this is (if you want to claim it, unlike those nothing to see here Babylonians) your new star sign.
Now at first I was not happy about this, but then I discovered Ophiuchusians are said to be keepers of hidden wisdom, passionate, intellectual, empathetic, helpful, successful, charismatic and "sexually magnetic with bedroom skills par excellence".
Well, all I can say is that explains a lot.
On the negative side, apparently Ophiuchusains are also jealous, possessive, judgemental and
sarcastic, but I'm choosing to ignore these less than impressive character traits, in the same way I ignore my horoscope if it doesn't suit me.
For example, if it says: "All your efforts and talents will finally be rewarded by the ignorant, ungrateful and frankly unworthy people around you", I think "finally", but if it says "If you want to succeed you need to focus, work harder and be realistic about your own shortcomings" I think "Honestly who believes this tosh?"
So it doesn't really bother me that I apparently have a new star sign, but if I had to choose, I'd probably stick with Sagittarius, mostly because Ophiuchus symbol is a man holding a snake, and frankly the only man I want to see doing that is Robert Irwin - from behind some sort of safety enclosure.
For the rest of you, this astrological shift means that you may not be the star sign you think you are either, so if you've always wanted to be a sexy Scorpio instead of a whimsical Pisces, now's your chance.
Now, if you'll excuse me I'm off to read my Ophiuchusian horoscope, but only the good bits.
Originally published as Turns out we've all been given the wrong star sign