Entertainment

The sexiest MKR challenge yet

Courtney and Valerie have these expressions for a good reason.
Courtney and Valerie have these expressions for a good reason. Channel 7

IT'S time for sauce.

Tonight's challenge on MKR is to make a sauce worth bottling, and it's sexy as all get-out. Suitably, Curtis Stone pushes out some stubble and heads to Coles, Melbourne's erotic epicentre, to be a guest judge.

Down down, undies are down.
Down down, undies are down. Channel 7

"I've been working for Coles for seven years and they've never put my sauce in a bottle" says Curtis, a testament to Coles' high hygiene standards. He goes on to reveal that today's winners will have their sauce sold nationwide, information that sends a ripple of excitement through the teams.

Keeping with the saucy theme, it seems fair to rank the teams in order of sexiness as they launch into a frenzied orgy of sauce production. Starting with:

10. MELL & CYN

"Normally we want to show a little bit of sophistication in our food" Mell says at the beginning of the challenge. "But today we have to cook for normal people" Cyn adds, misquoting Jarvis Cocker.

There's nothing sexy at all about looking down on people. The hoi class ladies don't eat sugar, but make a sickly sweet sauce because "the shoppers love it".

You know what else they love? Watching you make broad assumptions and then lose.

9. BRETT & MARIE

For their tomato-ey veal and sausage sauce, the competition's beigest couple uses a recipe from Marie's nonna. Very, very few things are less sexy than the phrase "grandma's sauce".

8. MARK & CHRIS

You're in trouble when you're in a cooking competition, but you're best known for laughing at your own dumb jokes. Mark and Chris make a semi-decent duck with spiced orange sauce, but they also put their food safety baseball caps on backwards which, unbeknown to most people wearing backwards baseball caps, loses big sexy points.

Enjoy your ducking lunch, lady.
Enjoy your ducking lunch, lady. Channel 7

Frankly the only reason they're even this high on the list is because they keep saying "breast".

7. BETTY & DAVID

As consistently friend-zoned David is well aware, sexiness is limited when you're cooking Betty's mother's peanut satay sauce, but that's not to say that no tingly feelings are stirring in anyone's peanuts. David admits to "fangirling" over Curtis Stone, and when the chef visits their station to sample their very excellent sauce, David saves the spoon.

"I'm gonna sell this spoon on eBay, Curtis Stone licked it!" he exclaims excitedly.

6. VALERIE & COURTNEY

OK, this is getting awkward, but you have to admit Valerie and Courtney's deeply spicy food is sexy as hell. Granted, they're making an Anglo-Indian sauce from a departed relative's recipe book, but they do it with so much sincere passion, and wearing so many animal-print kaftans, that this face is totally warranted:

It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your cloves.
It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your cloves. Channel 7

5. JOSH & AMY

Josh badly wants his face on a bottle, and violent fantasies aside, he's probably the only one. His main contribution to the peri peri sauce seems to be overcooking chicken and criticising his wife.

"You're obviously doing something wrong" he tells Amy when her tortilla is dry and unresponsive.

Amy's irritation with her husband becomes more and more evident as he barks orders at her while ruining their dish, so it's no surprise that when Curtis visits and starts a friendly conversation, you can visibly see Amy's capillaries open. She's just not used to a man treating her like a human being.

Josh, uncomfortable with seeing his wife happy, tells her to get back to work.

Shut up, Josh.

4. COURTNEY & DUNCAN

It's impossible not to love Court and Dunk just a little bit, especially when they make a buttery, lemony sage sauce. They're supportive of each other in the most adorable way, especially when they misjudge their sous-vide water bath temperature and overcook their meat, something that happens in every relationship eventually.

Their sauce doesn't cut the mustard, but there are only a few things sexier than Colin Fassnidge asking a lady to squeeze her husband's bag of pork.

3. AMY & TYSON

Fried chicken with gravy is, in anyone's language, extremely sexy.

It doesn't win any competitions, but Amy describes it as thick and creamy, which shoots her and Tyson up to the pointy end of the list. I didn't even take points off for Amy's backwards baseball cap, because I figured a little part of her died when she had to wear it, so she's suffered enough.

MC Stockpot on the wheels of steel.
MC Stockpot on the wheels of steel. Channel 7

2. KAREN & ROS

Karen and Ros make pork crackling. I hear they also make a sauce, but who cares, because Karen and Ros make pork crackling, the most arousing of all cracklings.

Not only that, Kyle offers to help them cut the crackling off their pork. A man putting the needs of others before his own in the presence of pig meat. I may need a moment to myself.

He just looked at the pork and it undressed itself.
He just looked at the pork and it undressed itself. Channel 7

1. TIM & KYLE

While we're on Kyle, hands up who wants to be on Kyle? Tim is nice and all, but he's competing with an eight-foot hairy mountain man, so Tim knows he's only there for cooking skills and conversation.

The boys make steak with mushroom sauce, which doesn't even matter, because Kyle talks about letting Tim touch his meat, and Kyle is literally salt bae.

As judging reaches its natural climax, Courtney and Valerie win people's choice, Court, Dunk, Mell and Cyn go to sudden death, and Colin drinks a cup of gravy.

He doesn’t even spit it out.
He doesn’t even spit it out. Channel 7

I'm spent, but I could probably watch another episode in fifteen or twenty minutes.

Jo Thornely is a writer who loves it when you explain her jokes back to her on Twitter. Follow her @JoThornely

News Corp Australia

Topics:  channel 7 my kitchen rules television



Council refusal of 'high density' development ends in court

Ipswich City Council first meeting with the new 2016 council.

Developer took the matter to the Queensland Planning Court

Accused trafficker out on bail

Brisbane Supreme District Court

Court orders random drug tests before freeing woman on 63 charges

93 years old and still pumping iron

GOOD TIMES: 93-year-old Second World War veteran Ken Smith is glowing with health as he takes part in a program run by Active Body Conditioning at Goodlife Health Club. Ken is pictured with exercise physiologist Emily Beck.

Ken's exercise fix great for his body, mind and soul

Local Partners

'Bulls--t!' Lisa Wilkinson grilled over Karl's pay packet

LISA Wilkinson has denied a gender pay gap on The Today Show despite reports claiming her co-host Karl Stefanovic earns more than double her wage.

Rebel Wilson trial: The secret we never could have known

Rebel Wilson outside court

“Most people wouldn’t know it exists,” she said.

Janet’s back in the ring

Marta Dusseldorp returns in season three of the TV series Janet King.

Season three of ABC's legal drama delves deeper than ever before.

Game of Thrones drops new trailer for season 7

Game of Thrones fans have been given a new trailer for season 7.

Fans are finally getting a full-throttled peak at season seven.

How true-blue train driver became a TV star

Bernie Baker stars in the TV series Railroad Australia.

Fan reactions still surprise Bernie Baker.

Conviction for Snapchat body shaming of elderly woman

Dani Mathers was arrested after snapping a photo of a naked, elderly woman in a US gym and posting it on social media. Picture: Supplied

Model convicted for secretly snapping and posting a naked gym pic

What's on the big screen this week

 Kaya Scodelario and Johnny Depp in a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.

JACK Sparrow faces an old foe and Sam Worthington stars in The Shack

Council refusal of 'high density' development ends in court

Ipswich City Council first meeting with the new 2016 council.

Developer took the matter to the Queensland Planning Court

'Ridiculous': Council refuses renovation at heritage home

NOT FAIR: Karen Solomon of Newtown is angry with Ipswich City Council for refusing her plans to build a colonial style double car port at her Newtown home.

Council rejected development application

How Toowoomba house prices compare in Australia

For sale sign in front of home.

Here's what $700,000 will buy you in Toowoomba, Brisbane and Sydney

One of Maryborough's most historic homes is still for sale

FULL OF HISTORY: Trisha Moulds is owner of the historic Tinana state known as Rosehill. The beautiful home is currently for sale.

It has been the scene of both joy and tragedies over the years.

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!