SIDS and Kids help two Ipswich friends with their grief
FRIENDS Kylie Darbey and Kara Doyle never imagined they would need help from SIDS and Kids. Now they don't know what they would do without it.
In 2007 Kylie and her husband Jason were overjoyed when Kylie fell pregnant with their first child - a daughter they called Hayley.
But the happiness soon evaporated as they were told their precious baby had a serious congenital heart condition.
"I found out when I was 19 weeks pregnant, but I tried to hold on to that hope that she was going to be one of those little miracles that survived," Kylie said.
"When she born she was just perfect. She was so beautiful.
"To look at her you would think there was nothing wrong with her.
"Even the doctors said that.
"But obviously we knew differently. The scans showed differently."
About a week after she was born Hayley's organs started shutting down and, despite surgery, she died.
"That 13 days was like a lifetime because we didn't know what was going to happen and we still had that hope she was going to survive," Kylie said.
"The day she passed away was the first day she opened her eyes in almost a week.
"It still sometimes feels like a bad dream.
"I wonder every day what it would be like if she was still here.
"We've had three little boys since and every day I just wish we'd had that opportunity to see her grow up with them."
Kara had been with Kylie through good times and those bad times and had no idea her worst times were just around the corner.
"I had a stillborn last year. I was almost 38 weeks," Kara said.
"You get to that point you think everything's okay then I went for my routine check-up and they couldn't find a heartbeat.
"I always said to Kylie: 'I don't know how you do it'. I couldn't even imagine it.
"Then to be in the same position.
"Kylie told me so many little things like, 'Take as many photos as you can' because there's only a short time before the funeral.
"So many things run through your head in a short time and you still have to give birth.
"That's how I started going to the groups."
Kylie started going to the Ipswich SIDS and Kids Support Group soon after Hayley died and Kara joined after her son Bodhi was stillborn.
"There are so many mums that go to this group and we all love it for the same reason," Kylie said.
"I think everyone that's lost a child deserves that chance to speak about them openly, grieve them and celebrate their life."
Support at hand
- The Ipswich SIDS and Kids Support group for families who have lost a child is held once a month at the Ipswich library. For more information call 3849 7122. The next date is July 11.