Lifestyle

You know them - four folks who ruin your retail experience

JUST NOT CRICKET: The Bored Male is a common sight in shopping centres across Australia.
JUST NOT CRICKET: The Bored Male is a common sight in shopping centres across Australia. Thinkstock

CHRISTMAS is done, New Year's resolutions abandoned and for a lot of us the only thing getting us through is the thrill of the January sales.

For me, the chance to grab an entirely useless object "below cost" is an opportunity too good to refuse.

Unfortunately, the same allure exists for 98% of the population and loving thy neighbour in a shopping centre can be a hard thing to do, especially when they are these people:

 

Pushy Pram Pusher

I swear it is some kind of human phenomenon.

When a woman goes through the horrific ordeal that is childbirth not only do they gain a little bundle of joy and sleepless nights.

Some mums also gain the ability to wield the trusty stroller as a dangerous weapon.

Especially near your feet.

Don't get me wrong; I love mums. I have one myself and am quite attached to her, but I find a lot of mums do that "excuse me" thing a little bit too late.

Here's how it goes: "Excuse me" - you lift your head to assess the situation you're supposed to excuse them from, but too late. There's a pram up the back of your heels or, like my latest sustained injury, directly over the bony high-point on your foot.

In nightclub land Pushy Pram Pusher Shopper is the equivalent of Rompy Stompy Heel Wearers - girls that stomp around in 22cm heels with no regard to the feet they leave bloodied and bruised in their path.

If you don't believe the best people in the world (mums) are capable of such carnage, do yourself a favour - pop down to the markets on a Sunday, stand at the end of a row of and watch the destruction unfold before your very eyes.

Overzealous Bargain Hunter

The name says it all.

You speak too loudly, elbow too much and are almost certain you have managed to survive the apocalypse and are the only person on the planet.

Does this sound like you?

Well sort it out, because you have a lot to answer for in the rise of shopping-centre related violence.

 

Waddling Family

It's a scene that could melt the coldest of hearts - a gorgeous, happy family, strolling along with arms linked, not a care in the world.

Unless that scene is happening in a busy thoroughfare of a shopping centre, with an exasperated mob stuck behind them, instead of a grassy meadow in Austria.

Unfortunately, some families simply do know how to use an escalator - which is, of course, single file and stick to the left.

The right side is for fast movers, such as shoppers with a suspected fracture from a pram transporting triplets running over their foot and now in desperate need of an icepack.

 

Bored Male

I know, I know, you've been made to come here like a lowly street urchin abducted by an evil shopping witch and forced into a life of price comparisons and changing room chairs.

We all know you don't want to be there. We have Bored Males of our own and if we have managed to escape to the shopping centre without them we don't want to be reminded of them. There really is no need for the eye rolling and incessant sighing.

Look alive! You're bringing the mood down, not only for your lovely significant other/mother/sister/friend, but for everyone.

One glimpse of a Bored Male slumped in the corner on the standard Bored Male's chair at the entrance to the changing rooms and it kills my buzz.

Chances are you've just had the cricket on for the past six weeks.

Pretty sure you're not forced into a clothes shop six weeks of the year.

Fair's fair.

Topics:  editors picks gen y girl opinion



How to survive a bushfire in your car

IT SOUNDS like a nightmare, but it can happen.

Eight reasons to join the RFS

SPREAD across 93% of Queensland, the Rural Fire Service has about 36,000 volunteers. And you could be one of them.

What if my insurer gives me grief?

CLAIMING your insurance cover after a natural disaster can go one of two ways. It can be a breeze, or like pulling teeth.

It's official, Christmas has started in Ipswich

TIS THE SEASON: Plenty of families got into the holiday spirit at the Christmas Twilight Parade.

PHOTOS: Annual Twilight Parade draws hundreds, more events to come

Serious injury experiences that may help you

Former Ipswich footballer and elite masters athlete Darrin Norwood knows how to overcome challenges.

Ipswich all-rounders recover from knee surgery

Check out these handy recovery tips

Ipswich Knights footballer Adam O'Sullivan receives immediate treatment after suffering a serious knee injury.

Wise advice when dealing with serious injury

Local Partners

FLOOD RISK: Mayors launch plan to protect $260M industry

A COMPREHENSIVE plan to deal with the flood risk to rivers and lakes in the Lockyer Valley has been launched.


It's official, Christmas has started in Ipswich

TIS THE SEASON: Plenty of families got into the holiday spirit at the Christmas Twilight Parade.

PHOTOS: Annual Twilight Parade draws hundreds, more events to come

What's on this weekend

Artist Eric Lennartson is in the process of completing his huge tape sculpture at the Ipswich Art Gallery.

Things to do in Ipswich

Five things to do this weekend

Renee Schulz, Brad Baxter, Elizabeth Mills and Nathan Schulz prepare for the Marburg Church of Christ Christmas Carols.
Photo: Rob Williams / The Queensland Times

Your guide to what's on in Ipswich

Jennifer Lawrence gives keys to new partner

Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence

Oscar winner settling down with new partner

Rogue One star proud to lead new Star Wars film

Felicity Jones leads the new Star Wars film

Star Wars lead proud to be in front in sci-fi

What's on the small screen this week

Ernie Dingo stars in the TV series Going Places with Ernie Dingo.

ERNIE Dingo stars in a new travel series and Seven airs the AACTAs.

Mandy Moore feels like she's 60

Mandy Moore sees herself as a 60-year-old rather than a 32-year-old

Goooodbye Hamish and Andy (from our radios)

Hamish and Andy

The pair have been on air since 2006

David Attenborough on facing his mortality

Sir David Attenborough in a scene from the TV special The Death of the Oceans.

Life without Sir David Attenborough is hard to imagine

Chinese locked out of Australian property market

The rules are different if you're a foreigner

The buyer was from China - the trouble started right there

Morrison signs off on new affordable rental model

Australia's Treasurer Scott Morrison speaks during a press conference after a meeting of the Council of Federal Financial Relations at Parliament House in Canberra, Friday, Dec. 2, 2016.

Scott Morrison signed off on development of a new financing model

New 1200-seat Mormon church to open in Ipswich

COMMUNITY: Barbara MacDonald of Springfield Lakes with her children from left, Jacob, 6, Charlotte, 2, Joseph, 4, Emily, 9, and Lachlan, 8, outside the newly built Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints at Augustine Heights.

One of Australia's largest Mormon churches will open this month

REVEALED: 25 of Ipswich's cheapest houses

8 Trumper St, East Ipswich, Offers above $230,000.

Old and neglected homes in hot demand with renovators

Coast high-flyer's fight back from bankruptcy, $72m debt

Scott Juniper went from millionaire developer to declaring bankruptcy in2012, now he is back on top of his game again with new developments including this one in Coolum.

'Apocalyptic lending storm' causes financial collapse.

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!