MY SAY: Bucket list looks much easier said than done
I HAVE four things on my bucket list and they are not travel related.
Call me weird if you like (go ahead, I don't mind) but my four "must do" bucket items are:
- Separate an egg yolk from the white efficiently through my hands, just like Nigella does.
- Kick down a door.
- Juice a lemon through my hands to catch the pips, just like Jamie Oliver does.
- Throw a drink in someone's face. (Not the glass, just the drink.)
First, the egg yolk thing.
Nigella makes it look easy and sexy. Just crack the egg into your hand and then let the white ooze through your fingers into a clean bowl until you are left with a whole round glorious yellow yolk in the palm of your hand to plop into a bowl to make your own mayonnaise, and another bowl of pure whites to whip up a perfect meringue.
There is something soothing and rewarding in that simple and textural chore ... but ... you try doing it.
The egg never cracks easily so you are left with bits of shell in the yolk and the white does not slip sexily through your fingers but glugs messily around your hands until bits of it slide all over the place and, of course, the yolk breaks.
You have no chance of making a beautiful meringue with particles of shell and yolk in your whites, so you give up and go out and buy a pre-made pavlova and a jar of mayonnaise.
Next one. Kicking down a door. James Bond and his ilk make it look easy but not so, even if you are the owner of a huge pair of flat and bony feet like me.
But, you can Google instructions on how to kick down a door - very helpful indeed.
If the door happens to open towards you then don't even bother, but if it opens outwards then aim your foot near the keyhole and put the boot in.
I did have need to kick a door down once. Nothing as romantic of trying to rescue someone. I locked myself in our downstairs toilet.
Try getting your leg into a good kicking position when you are in a tight space and you'll see it's impossible.
The thought of spending nine claustrophobic hours alone with nothing but a loo brush for company gave me the courage to scream for help and two workmen three doors away heard and came to my rescue.
It has scarred me for life. I never enter a loo now without checking the handle and looking for an escape route. Preferably one that doesn't entail climbing up a skylight.
The lemon through the fingers joke? Hah! Never do it. If you don't think you have a cut or scratch somewhere on your hand, the acid in the lemon will tell you otherwise and you'll end up screaming in agony.
Best to cross this one off the bucket list and get out the juicer.
So, the old drink in the face trick. Remember, only the drink, never ever the glass.
I've never done it, despite being married to the same person for 48 years and having approximately 3.5 million opportunities to do so.
This is probably because I value what is in the glass too much to waste on another person's face.
Perhaps I'd better draw up a more practical bucket list.