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ASHES BLOG: Position Vacant


Description: Large cricket organisation seeks male applicants for 12 full-time players and four selectors. The job requires employees to be available for irregular hours but with plenty of opportunity to travel and earn big bucks.

Large support staff and healthy superannuation package comes with the job, though length of career can vary from one innings to 30 year (particularly if you are able to make the transition from player to selector) Applicants may continue to pursue other employment opportunities, including advertising and sponsorship work, though preferably not advertising underwear.

Players: We are seeking both batsman and bowlers.

Experience is preferable - 1000 first class runs at an average approaching 50 or 200 first class wickets at an average below 30 is ideal.

For batters: Must know where off stump is, and have the ability to play with a straight bat, both on and off the field and not waft your bat at the ball away from the body.

Must be able to recognise when to play aggressively and when to build an innings.

Batsmen expecting to hit boundaries from every ball need not apply.

For Bowlers: Ability to bowl a cricket ball and land it on roughly the same spot at above 130km an hour five times out of six.

The ability to swing the ball (conventional and/or reverse) is desirable.

When the ball doesn’t swing an alternative plan is required. The ability to bowl across the seam cutters and slower balls would be seen as advantageous.

We are also seeking a player who can spin the ball like Shane Warne.

Other desirable attributes:
Neat physical appearance, with no (visible) tattoos preferably.

The successful applicants will have both their professional and personal lives heavily scrutinised by media.

They therefore must be able to behave well in public and while at work (Subtle sledging and aggressive body language are acceptable but our policy is subject to change).

Players must have the ability to recognise when to focus on their cricket and when to focus on the media, and not get the two confused (no twittering apologies to fan base while matches are in progress).

A thick skin is required as you are bound to be criticised by every former player now getting paid for an opinion but must also be open to constructive criticism from coaching staff.

Must be able work well with people and be willing to make personal sacrifices for the good of the team.

For selectors: Must have the ability to recognise s*** from shoe polish.

Must attend cricket matches and know who the players are and what they do well and poorly.

Must make selections in the best short and long term interest of the national team.

All enquiries please contact James Sutherland, Cricket Australia (if still in the job).

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