FATHER'S day in the US has just passed us and while for many the day marks a special opportunity to dust off the book of puns, who really needs an excuse to crack a Dad joke?
Dads - here's a few more to add to your roster.
What's the heaviest soup in Asia?
Dad: "What would you like for pudding?"
Dad: "Me too, shame we don't have any."
Two pears on a table. Dad picks one up and says:
They're not a pair anymore.
Dad (when driving past a cemetery): 'They put the fence up to keep everyone in!'
(When driving in the car)
Me: "Where are we Dad?"
Dad: "In the car."
When squeezing past in the hallway and saying "excuse me please".
Classic dad joke is to lock you in a massive hug and say:
I thought you said SQUEEZE ME.
What do the secret service yell when protecting the President?
Me: "Please may I leave the table?"
Dad: "And where are you going to leave it?"
When rubbing your eye
Dad: "What's up?"
Me: "There's something in my eye."
Dad: "Yeah, it's your finger."
Me: What's on the TV?
Dad: Just some dust.
Dad: "I've got a great joke about a pizza."
Me: "What is it?"
Dad: "I can't tell you. It's too cheesy."
Me: "Dad, why isn't the snake moving?"
Dad: "I don't know son, it must have a reptile dysfunction..."
Where does a bee pee?
At a BP station.
I knew I shouldn't have had the seafood. I'm feeling a little eel.
Me: "Cocktail sausage?"
You: "It's too early for a drink, honeybun."
Me: "What are you doing, dad?"
Dad (standing on one leg at ATM): "I'm checking my balance."
Dad is scratching his eye.
Me: "Are you okay?"
Dad: "No I'm really worried I've got a piece of steel in my eye."
Dad: "Because I may have it for the rust of my life."
Me: "How are you feeling?"
Dad: "Same as normal. With my hands."
Dad (watching the football): "Is Concarne playing?"
Dad: "Is Concarne playing? For Chile?"
Dad: "Have you heard about that new film Constipation?"
Dad: "That's because it hasn't come out yet."
Dad: "I can cut wood just by looking at it."
Me: "I don't believe you. How?"
Dad: "It's true. I saw it with my own eyes!"
I finally bought a large thesaurus I've wanted for ages - but when I opened it all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.