What I’ll be buying Tony this Christmas

MOOD SWING: Tony Abbott needs to swap blue for yellow ties.
MOOD SWING: Tony Abbott needs to swap blue for yellow ties. AAP

I FEEL it's only fitting in this Christmas week to divulge my choice of gifts to people we see a lot of.

Times have been tough this year, given the parlous state of the newspaper industry, so like many people I've had to follow Joe Hockey's lead and tighten my financial belt.

I think Rupert Murdoch will appreciate the little trinket I've gift-wrapped, the remaining 30% of Australian newspaper companies that he doesn't own - so he can complete the set.

Much like my mate Clive Palmer. A bit too big for his boots these days, and his trousers, and his shirts ... Well just about everything really.

They'll soon have to start reinforcing the golf buggies at the Coolum Palmer Resort if he continues to dine so frequently at all the restaurants he owns.

That's why he has such a large vintage car collection, you know; they made cars' suspension much stronger in days gone by.

Anyhow, a present for Clive presented somewhat of a challenge. But I hit on a wonderful solution - Clive has such a penchant for all things historic, like cars, dinosaurs, the Titanic.

I've decided to put something on lay-by for him that I think he'll adore - a time machine.

Prime Minister Tony Abbott agreed to chip in a few dollars towards it - said he'd love to see Clive a million light years away from the parliament. Isn't that nice ...

For Tony himself, well his gift took some thinking about.

He's been so stressed lately, what with worrying about the $50 billion budget deficit and his bit of trouble with his neighbour up north.

I settled on a tie for Tony. A yellow one. According to my psychologist, yellow means optimistic and cheerful.

Tony wears those blue ties so often, they're starting to affect his mood. And for his estranged presidential friend over the Timor Sea, Mr Bambang, I'm buying him and his wife a set of walkie-talkies.

The salesman assures me they can't be bugged, even by ASIO.

Alan Joyce, the Qantas boss, is not exactly flavour of the month, but it's very often tough at the top.

Poor boy has had to take a pay cut, just before Christmas.

He'll be left with a measly $2 million a year. With his airline going down the gurgler, I bought him something really useful - a rail pass.

Lastly but not leastly, on my gift list, I'm keen to give something to all our loyal QT readers.

Against all the odds, the introduction of a myriad news channels, QT readers have been loyal to the printed word.

That stoicism deserves a just reward. With tongue firmly in cheek, I wish you all a splendid Christmas and New Year.

Topics:  editors picks opinion vonnie's view yvonne gardiner

The Ipswich stamp fair has it all licked

RARE METAL: Dave Roberts with his aluminium Tongan stamps from 1965.

Ipswich stamp fair will feature rare and unusual stamps

Culture feast brightens city

COLOUR: This year's Diwali Festival was a hit.

Diwali Festival embraces happiness and joy

LETTER Monty Python circus with squirrels marrying squirrels

Squirrel in Yellowstone National Park during summer.  - User Contributed

God help us with the current crop of egomaniacs in Canberra

Local Partners

Top floor teams take out The Block's terrace week

Kim and Chris pictured on their winning outdoor terrace in a scene from The Block.

RIVALS Kim and Chris and Julia and Sasha tie in final week of work.

Bob Dylan slammed as 'arrogant' for Nobel silence

Nobel Prize winner Bob Dylan.

Singer the controversial winner of literature Nobel

Shannen Doherty reveals fear of dying in post on chemo

Actor Shannen Doherty shared this image of her lying in a hospital bed after a chemotherapy session.

Actor has been fighting cancer since 2015

Eddie Redmayne's stage fright on latest Harry Potter film

Actor Eddie Redmayne stars in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

Actor felt like kid again when he got to film with a wand

Salma Hayek: 'Trump planted story because I turned him down'

Actor Salma Hayek is the latest woman who says U.S presidential nominee Donald Trump acted inappropriately.

Salma Hayek latest woman to accuse Trump of misconduct

Brisbane snake catcher shows who's the Boss

Brisbane snake catcher Julia Baker returns in season two of Snake Boss.

Hit show Snake Boss is back for another season

Hit songwriter's Noosa mansion on market

SPECIAL PLACE: The Cintamani estate is going to tender, marketed by Tom Offermann Real Estate.

Is this Queensland's best property?

Kiwi siblings snap up Dotcom mansion for $32.5m

The new toy company owners of the Coatesville mansion want replace any controversy with positivity and fun. Photo / Barfoot and Thompson

The trio paid $32.5 million for the property in June

New $200 million development will create 580 jobs

Cassie And Josh with baby Alfie and daughter Andee. They have bought at new Lennox Head development Epiq.

Majority of new positions will be given to Northern Rivers locals

Cherrabah's mega resort plans axed

PLANS for a massive development at Cherrabah have been scrapped.

What our mayor thinks of the new draft SEQPlan

The plan to use the innovative technology as part of the new Maroochydore CBD was cemented on site today when Mayor Mark Jamieson and Envac Asia Region president Chun Yong Ha formally signed the contract for the $20 million underground waste collection system.

New plan accommodates Sunshine Coast Council's vision for growth.

Dusit Thani finance crisis 'just a small hiccup'

ON TRACK: Springfield Land Chairman, Maha Sinnathamby, Ipswich Mayor Paul Pisasale, Developer Richard Turner and Springfield Land Deputy Chairman, Bob Sharpless, at the recent resort sod turning ceremony.

Property developer says project remains firmly on track