I’m grateful my womb is not royal

JOY OF LIFE: The Duchess of Cambridge and Prince George.
JOY OF LIFE: The Duchess of Cambridge and Prince George. AP

WELL, it's about time. The royal cervix has dilated, the royal head has crowned, literally, and the royal baby has arrived.

And I have never been more relieved to have a non-royal, common-garden-variety reproductive system.

Poor Catherine. I can't imagine how it must feel to have all those people camping outside your hospital room, waiting for news.

Even weirder that they were at the hospital before she was.

Some days towards the end of pregnancy, you do feel like it will never end and you will just be pregnant forever.

On those days a well-meaning "haven't you had that baby yet?" could be enough to have me reaching for the castor oil, either to drink or to bop the questioner on the head with.

So I can only begin to imagine how she must have felt.

It must have been extraordinarily stressful to have that many eyes on every aspect of her pregnancy and birth.

Being pregnant brings out the amateur midwife in many people, who suddenly feel the need to provide unsolicited uterus advice.

A heavily pregnant friend was recently sidled up to in the playground. "I hope you've decided to labour in an upright position," the playground midwife said.

"It'll help your cervix dilate."

Believe it or not, I tend to not discuss the dilation of my cervix with total strangers while checking out the contents of my kids' lunchboxes to see what they ate that day.

I wonder if the duchess was corralled in the supermarket and offered the same advice. I would not be surprised.

But now, finally, she has been delivered of her son, as the official notice read. Incidentally I hate that turn of phrase.

You deliver a pizza, not a baby, and "was delivered of" makes it sound like she really had not all that much to do with it.

But, anyway, the baby is here and, despite my cynicism, I'll admit I had a little tear when I saw them leaving the hospital.

There's something special about meeting your baby for the first time, regardless of whether or not your baby will someday ascend the throne.

That joy is universal, and even I can't find something sarcastic to say about that.

Topics:  editors picks kate middleton prince william royal baby royals

The Ipswich stamp fair has it all licked

RARE METAL: Dave Roberts with his aluminium Tongan stamps from 1965.

Ipswich stamp fair will feature rare and unusual stamps

Culture feast brightens city

COLOUR: This year's Diwali Festival was a hit.

Diwali Festival embraces happiness and joy

LETTER Monty Python circus with squirrels marrying squirrels

Squirrel in Yellowstone National Park during summer.  - User Contributed

God help us with the current crop of egomaniacs in Canberra

Local Partners

Top floor teams take out The Block's terrace week

Kim and Chris pictured on their winning outdoor terrace in a scene from The Block.

RIVALS Kim and Chris and Julia and Sasha tie in final week of work.

Bob Dylan slammed as 'arrogant' for Nobel silence

Nobel Prize winner Bob Dylan.

Singer the controversial winner of literature Nobel

Shannen Doherty reveals fear of dying in post on chemo

Actor Shannen Doherty shared this image of her lying in a hospital bed after a chemotherapy session.

Actor has been fighting cancer since 2015

Eddie Redmayne's stage fright on latest Harry Potter film

Actor Eddie Redmayne stars in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

Actor felt like kid again when he got to film with a wand

Salma Hayek: 'Trump planted story because I turned him down'

Actor Salma Hayek is the latest woman who says U.S presidential nominee Donald Trump acted inappropriately.

Salma Hayek latest woman to accuse Trump of misconduct

Brisbane snake catcher shows who's the Boss

Brisbane snake catcher Julia Baker returns in season two of Snake Boss.

Hit show Snake Boss is back for another season

Hit songwriter's Noosa mansion on market

SPECIAL PLACE: The Cintamani estate is going to tender, marketed by Tom Offermann Real Estate.

Is this Queensland's best property?

Kiwi siblings snap up Dotcom mansion for $32.5m

The new toy company owners of the Coatesville mansion want replace any controversy with positivity and fun. Photo / Barfoot and Thompson

The trio paid $32.5 million for the property in June

New $200 million development will create 580 jobs

Cassie And Josh with baby Alfie and daughter Andee. They have bought at new Lennox Head development Epiq.

Majority of new positions will be given to Northern Rivers locals

Cherrabah's mega resort plans axed

PLANS for a massive development at Cherrabah have been scrapped.

What our mayor thinks of the new draft SEQPlan

The plan to use the innovative technology as part of the new Maroochydore CBD was cemented on site today when Mayor Mark Jamieson and Envac Asia Region president Chun Yong Ha formally signed the contract for the $20 million underground waste collection system.

New plan accommodates Sunshine Coast Council's vision for growth.

Dusit Thani finance crisis 'just a small hiccup'

ON TRACK: Springfield Land Chairman, Maha Sinnathamby, Ipswich Mayor Paul Pisasale, Developer Richard Turner and Springfield Land Deputy Chairman, Bob Sharpless, at the recent resort sod turning ceremony.

Property developer says project remains firmly on track