WELL, it's about time. The royal cervix has dilated, the royal head has crowned, literally, and the royal baby has arrived.
And I have never been more relieved to have a non-royal, common-garden-variety reproductive system.
Poor Catherine. I can't imagine how it must feel to have all those people camping outside your hospital room, waiting for news.
Even weirder that they were at the hospital before she was.
Some days towards the end of pregnancy, you do feel like it will never end and you will just be pregnant forever.
On those days a well-meaning "haven't you had that baby yet?" could be enough to have me reaching for the castor oil, either to drink or to bop the questioner on the head with.
So I can only begin to imagine how she must have felt.
It must have been extraordinarily stressful to have that many eyes on every aspect of her pregnancy and birth.
Being pregnant brings out the amateur midwife in many people, who suddenly feel the need to provide unsolicited uterus advice.
A heavily pregnant friend was recently sidled up to in the playground. "I hope you've decided to labour in an upright position," the playground midwife said.
"It'll help your cervix dilate."
Believe it or not, I tend to not discuss the dilation of my cervix with total strangers while checking out the contents of my kids' lunchboxes to see what they ate that day.
I wonder if the duchess was corralled in the supermarket and offered the same advice. I would not be surprised.
But now, finally, she has been delivered of her son, as the official notice read. Incidentally I hate that turn of phrase.
You deliver a pizza, not a baby, and "was delivered of" makes it sound like she really had not all that much to do with it.
But, anyway, the baby is here and, despite my cynicism, I'll admit I had a little tear when I saw them leaving the hospital.
There's something special about meeting your baby for the first time, regardless of whether or not your baby will someday ascend the throne.
That joy is universal, and even I can't find something sarcastic to say about that.