Another royal performance

WELL, a royal baby is being baked!

Poor Kate. There is nothing cute about acute morning sickness.

But never mind that, what about all the pressure to produce a right royal heir.

I do love the fact the laws have changed so even if it is a girl this baby will be the future King or Queen one day.

But every time Kate has even brushed her stomach while in public the media has gone into a foetal frenzy assuming a bub is on the way.

Perhaps at the time the poor love was just craving some ice cream. And then of course when Kate cut her hair and unveiled a fringe the baby speculation was sparked afresh.

I mean, what more telling sign of a baby on the way than a fringe after all? Forget larger boobs or a rounded stomach. A fringe will do it every time!

What a crazy 'big bang' theory!

And Kate was spotted drinking water in public recently on a swelteringly hot day! Really!

Anyhoos, as a royal lover, I am most excited over the news. I hope it is a baby girl. I mean no son wants to be referred to as 'Little Willy' do they?

And if it is a girl we can all read trash magazines filled with pictures of Kate and Mini Kate wearing matching outfits from Zara and Top Shop. Can you have tiny tiaras made?

I do not think you can dress a royal baby in a Bonds onesy, can you? It would be quite the difficult decision just what to buy this royal baby.

It would be most hard to compete with the Queen's gift as I bet she has a spare royal sash and a tiara or two still lying around her walk-in wardrobe.

And that old dog Prince Charles shocked me with his witty statement about the impending bundle of joy.

The future King (insert groan here) commented, "One can confirm that the royal baby is growing faster than the economy."

Pretty funny, Charlie! Good one!

So what about names for our little one? Mary seems to be a front runner as do Elizabeth and Charles.

I guess they are not allowed to go new age and call their bubba Apple or Sparrow or Pax. You can bet it will not be Fergie.

Anyway book in high tea with your girlfriends for when the baby very properly bursts into the world. It is going to be one royal extravaganza in our household.

And I cannot wait for the head wetting. Why? Because Harry will be in charge of it and it is guaranteed to be hilariously wicked. Stay posted.

 You can read more about Sami's antics at samichic.com or listen to Todd and Sami on Hot 91.1