Movies

Fox's legal department panicked when Vampires Suck leaked online in its entirety a whole month before its US release. They were right to send numerous takedown requests to torrent sites and Google, because Vampires Suck shouldn't be seen on a computer screen. In fact, it shouldn't even be seen at all. This is the single worst movie in recent memory.

Serial spoofers Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer seem to think that recreating scenes from movies equals a parody. While yes, they do recreate scenes from the first two Twilight films quite well (the half-star in the score is for the location scouts and others who contributed to the film's pitch-perfect 'look'), they forget the special ingredient that separates 'abridged, low-budget rehash' from 'parody': comedy.

As a fan of spoof films (and the Twilight films for their unintended comedic value), it's offensive that Friedberg and Seltzer's mind-numbingly unfunny script was green-lit, especially when there are so many hilarious Twilight videos online that pack more laughs in two minutes than this film manages.

And for those who want more than a Twilight universe 'parody', you're in luck. Friedberg and Seltzer set their 'satirical' sights far wider than the vampire series. An actress dresses as Lady Gaga, and another as Alice from Wonderland. The punch line? That's the beauty of a Friedberg and Seltzer collaboration, there is none. They're just actors… in a costume. Laughing yet?

To be fair though, Jenn Proske's take on Kristen Stewart's Bella is about as nuanced as an imitation of an already two-dimensional character can be. She's got the mannerisms down pat, but it really isn't enough to save the film.

Barely longer than an hour, Vampires Suck had this reviewer fighting to stay awake at a 10am screening. I'm sure it's the punchline of all the reviews it's received, but you know what? A tired, unfunny joke is probably all that Friedberg and Seltzer deserve: Vampires Suck sucks.