Movies

The Expendables assembles one of the greatest casts in action movie history. You'd think, if it was powerful enough to bring Schwarzenegger out of filmic hibernation (and not to mention entice Willis, Rourke and Austin to sign on as glorified set pieces), it would have been a quality script, or at the very least, a quality premise, but it seems from the get-go writer-director Sylvester Stallone only set out to create the most enticing film poster ever.

And it's a shame, really, because had there been some quality control — a few less grammatical errors, a lot less laughable 'emotive' acting, some motivation beyond 'she pretty, I go fetch' — it could have actually lived up to the promise of its poster. For the 20 or so minutes of its runtime the film gets things right, it works. The gore is tasteless, the cuts are rapid and the action is nonsensically awesome.

But too many times, you're left wondering to yourself, and then later, out loud to the person sitting next to you: are they taking the mickey out of themselves, or is this actually serious? By the end, you know the film isn't tongue-in-cheek, only unintentionally stupid. And kind of bad.

To the film's credit, though, you'll never once be looking at your watch. Sure, it's because your eyes are rolled so far back you can't see anything, but still, it's an accomplishment. If you go in expecting some moderately thrilling action set pieces, moronic one-liners that don't even inspire a smile, mind-numbing plot holes and lots of dialogue where the characters don't seem to say anything, then this is the testosterone-fuelled romp for you.