Movies

There's an old stereotype that women love rom-coms and men despise them. It doesn't apply to "Valentine's Day" — this is a movie that all genders will despise equally. Sure, the film has that much-talked-about all-star cast. But that's pretty much all it has going for it. Ashton Kutcher leads the cast as Reed, a young florist who asks his fickle girlfriend Morley (Jessica Alba) to marry him on Valentine's Day, while his best friend Julia (Jennifer Garner) falls for Harrison (Patrick Dempsey), a handsome doctor with a secret. Their stories intertwine with the other characters': single publicist Kara (Jessica Biel) moans about the day with fellow singleton and reporter Kelvin (Jamie Foxx) while her client, football superstar Sean (Eric Dane), makes an important decision about his future. Elsewhere, Kate (Julia Roberts) and Holden (Bradley Cooper) bond on a flight into Los Angeles, though not for the reasons you'd think; Liz (Anne Hathaway) tries to hide her kinky job from her new boyfriend Jason (Topher Grace); while high-school sweethearts Willy and Felicia (Taylors Lautner and Swift) enjoy the passion of first love. "Valentine's Day" is the cinematic equivalent of buying your girlfriend a bunch of wilted flowers from the service station as a last-minute gift. It attempts to be romantic, but it's actually a bit pathetic, and it feels rushed and ill-conceived. The painfully predictable script lurches from scene to scene, introducing scores of characters who aren't particularly likeable — though Biel's is undoubtedly the worst of a bad bunch, a grown woman who literally sobs on the floor of her office because she can't get a date. "Love Actually" proved that films with huge ensemble casts can be both funny and emotional. "Valentine's Day" fails on both counts.